In the new Paramount+ show, Knuckles the “Echidna” is living his life between the events of Sonic the Hedgehog 2 and Sonic the Hedgehog 3. Doing what? Apprenticing a Sheriff named Wade Whipple in order to learn the ways of “echidna warriors.”

What does Whipple know about being an echidna? Nothing. Because no one knows anything about echidnas. They don’t exist. (I’m certain of it.) Besides, Wade has bigger problems. He just got kicked off of his bowling team just before a massive bowling tournament in Reno. Echidna warrior stuff can wait. Bowling is priority. But when it’s all said and done at the end of the series 6 episodes, what goes down in the post-credits scene? Some kind of huge reveal for the future of this growing franchise!?

No plot. All vibes. Knuckles and Whipple aren’t doing anything, story-wise. They’re just riding together on a motorcycle back to the town of Green Hills. Doing what? Listening to bops—“The Warrior” by Scandal, to be specific. Knuckles claims the song to be his “jam,” just as he claims his made-up echidna identity. If you were hoping for some cool plot biz like … I don’t know … say, Shadow the Hedgehog making an appearance … you’re gonna have to wait a little longer. Check out the next Sonic movie. Or better yet, go to Australia and New Guinea where echidnas are claimed to dwell and settle the matter of their existence once and for all.

We’ve now gotten an entire miniseries, and yet, Knuckles still has some explaining to do. Despite evidence to the contrary, I still don’t believe in the existence of echidnas. Nothing in this cruel world could be that cute. And even if they did exist, Knuckles couldn’t possibly be one. Look at an echinda. Look at Knuckles. See any resemblance? Me neither. Next you’re gonna tell me Sonic the Hedgehog is actually a hedgehog. Cap. I don’t care if he has a movie. Doesn’t prove nothing.

(featured image: Paramount+)

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